It’s here. The moment you know that adoption is what you want for your child… and now you’re going have to tell your friends. You don’t feel obligated to tell them anything. But people ask questions, and what do you say? How do you tell them that you’re not giving up on your child – you’re actually giving her the best life you can imagine for her?
You’ve probably confided in your best friend… but what about everyone else? What will they think?
We’ve found that these things help:
Explain your reasons.
They need to know that adoption didn’t mean giving up your child. It meant planning for her, loving her and believing that she will receive your love as well as the love of an adoptive family for the long term.
State your needs.
You need your friends to support you, be with you, help you forget about your troubles and help you see the bright side of life. Ask your friends to do this for you, and the friends who really care about you will respond in amazing ways.
Surround yourself with good friends.
You choose the people you get to be around! We become who we are like, and the people around us definitely make us feel better or worse. Be kind to yourself, and pick friends who make you feel great. Are you getting that from the people in your life? If not, try going to a youth group or church and looking for friends who will really support you. It might take time to find the right group, but stick with it. It’ll be worth it in the end!
Getting some rude questions?
There are people who care, and people who are simply curious. Know the difference and only open up to the people who have your best interests at heart.
When someone asks about details you don’t want to reveal.
Don’t feel obligated to volunteer information you don’t want to disclose. Here’s a short and sweet answer that shows you respect yourself:
“I know you’re asking this because you care, but it’s very personal and I’ve decided to keep it private.”
When someone asks why you’ve been missing so many days.
Don’t be too vague, as it will just lead to speculation. This person needs to know that it’s none of their business, but that you’re fine (after all, you’re a woman who can handle this with the people you choose to include in your decision). Say something like:
“Oh, it is so nice of you to be concerned, but everything is fine.”
When someone asks how you could consider giving up your child for adoption.
This person needs to know that your choice was a selfless one, and that their comments, even if they’re innocent, hurt. Say something like:
“I didn’t give her up; I chose to make a plan of adoption for her. This was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. But I decided that my baby’s future was more important that my desires. I take comfort in knowing that she will receive my love as well as the love of her adoptive family.”
If someone makes you uncomfortable or presses you for details you don’t want to give, simply say this and walk away:
“I need you to know that this is a private matter and a very personal, hard decision. Please respect my privacy.”
Guess what? You’re amazing just for caring about yourself, your child and your friends enough to read this!